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I'm making my friend breakfast tomorrow and then we're speeding off in his cloud to the wonderful world of playing jazz music!
Oh man, I'm so excited.
he's a cool person. he teaches me spanish and sings to me.
How did glasnost affect Eastern Europe?
Wow, I haven't been on here in quite a while.

It's getting warmer, and I put pictures of flowers in here. I have beautiful roses and lilacs and bluebells in here with me. I really can't wait for it to get warm. It'll be exciting.

He's leaving me :(

Finals week!
Graduation!
I would like to fall in love.
Not in a permanent way,
just to have the experience of being madly, passionately in love.
I'm a passionate person.
I have a big love inside of me and
I feel I need to give it.



Writer's Block: Almost Famous

What do you want to be famous for?

I don't want to be famous. Remembered, but not famous.
You know what? I've never wished I were beautiful. Or MORE beautiful I guess I should say. I find it a waste of time to really care what I look like. I think I'm pretty. And way too many guys like me in my sweats and Goodwill stuff, so jeeeeeeez, think who I would attract if I wore the nasty tight crap. Probably a ton of guys, but all the wrong ones. I don't really like it when people like me. So, I become pretty good friends with this one guy, and we're practically amazing "be together forever" best friends, but then he has to go and ruin it and tell me he's attracted to me, and then I freak out on him and stay away.

Bleh. I just wish everyone could just be friends until about 20..And THEN the hormones turn on. Or 25. That'd be nice. :) Let's see. I think about 5 of my friendships in the past two years have died because of overloading testosterone. Lame lame lame.

I never post anything this boring, but that's okay. Sometimes I feel I just need to talk like I feel. :) I love being a kid! I just hate having parents who stress over MY grades. Gosh, I'm trying my hardest and I already feel bad about the D in English that I really can't bring up! UGH. And then they have to yell at me because I guess I'm 'slacking'

Okay. I'm home schooled, on the internet, so I don't really have a teacher, and it's just no fun, and I'm really bad at teaching myself. If I have a question, I can email my teacher, but it takes 2 or 3 days to get an answer, and by then I've already figured it out, or guessed. I CAN'T WAIT TWO DAYS FOR AN ANSWER!! I'm also WAAAY too social to be home schooled. I'm lonely all the time, and I just feel...alone. Haha, it's weird how that happens :D

I do a whole bunch of extracurricular things like band, orchestra, jazz band, cross country, track, and they are all made for the high school. Not home schooling. So I have to arrange my schedule completely wacky, soooo, yeah. I can't wait for next year. I'm going to the high school, and I'm going to have super mucho fun. Wahooo! And then after that I'm going to be going to the college for Running Start, and I'm pretty excited for that, too.

Byeee

Oh! I raced yesterday. I ran the 800, (Holy cow that's hard. I've never done it before, and I had never felt that DEAD on the finish line! Not even in cross country!!) and the 4x4. That was some serious fun :)
I didn't do all that great: 80 split on my first lap and 1:45 for the second. Haha, 25 seconds difference :) I'll work on that...And 79 second 400 in the 4x4...It's okaaaay.... :P
My dad doesn't want me to race tomorrow because I hurt my back on Monday...but I'm going to anyways. I need to! The season is almost over and I've raced ONCE!
Wow, I thought this journal was totally lost, because it died yesterday, but DRAFTS are nice :D

My life.

Sometimes I think I need to figure out what I really want in life. I know I'm young and all, but I'm going to need to know how to decide which way my life is going to go without wasting any time.

On one hand, I want to travel around the world, go wherever my heart tells me, without any time limits or any reason to leave. I don't want a job, a family, property, a car; I just want to be free. I won't need money, I'll just hitchhike or travel on a bike, really slowly. I just want to do things on a whim, without any plans, whatsoever. I want to be FREE.

But, on the other hand, I want kids, a family, a big house and a bit of money so I don't feel overwhelmed with all the mouths I need to feed. And, I want A LOT of kids. I'm talking more than 10, if my body will allow it. I want my life to be planned out perfectly so I'll always know what to expect.

If I pick the first one, I'll have an amazing life. I was thinking I could do some youth ministry work or a daycare center or something so I could still be around kids. I'd just have to leave them at some point because I hate being in one place for more than a month.
If I pick the second one, I'd still have amazing life, and the kids would be mine. I'd be stuck in the same place for a long time, though, but I'm sure I'd get used to it. I'd have to learn how to COOK. Oh no, that's an area I'm worried about. Haha.

I could do both. I could travel, and maybe I'd meet some amazing guy halfway through and we'd travel a bit together; get to know each other; get married; have a family. Live happily ever after. That would be so cool.

I'm only fifteen. This doesn't really matter too much, does it? I'm thinking it does because of school. Either of those choices don't really depend much on school, do they? I'd definitely not work, either way. The first choice, I wouldn't need money, and the second choice, I'd DEFINITELY stay home with my kids. I think if I go to college, it's kind of a waste of four years, or so. In the long run, I'm dead, so does school really matter? Four years is a pretty big chunk of life!

Maybe I'll just wait. :) I wouldn't want to waste my childhood thinking about my adulthood. I'll just stay busy doing childish things. I just wish my dad wouldn't get embarrassed when I do something that a fifteen year old should be doing. He thinks I should act like I'm thirty. What a waste.

Trees

Trees take their clothes off in the winter and put them back on in the summer. Weird, eh? They must not feel temperature like we do. 
I found out that little baby trees are twice as smart as people my age. The tallest ones are wisest. They watch over the world and hold it together. 
How I wish I were a tree. They are so tall and beautiful. They are the last to see the sun before it goes down. They wave their arms around. I wish I could look that graceful without even trying. I wish it were in my nature. I wish I were a tree.